GOAT eaters can take down a whole pizza


Sure the pizza was poisoned by Jazz fans, but the fact remains: Michael Jordan took down the entire pie by himself.

It’s an accomplishment.  It takes focus, determination…and maybe even a little slight of hand.

For instance, one’s intake level may be clouded by the overall number of pizzas ordered.  A large sausage and pepperoni for the adults and another large cheese for the kids. But you popped a couple squares of the cheese when you opened up the box.  And you cleaned up your kids’ leftovers. No sense throwing food out.  When you add that up with all the sausage/pep you took down, it’s a full pizza worth.  GOAT status.

Perhaps you were at a charity event or bar party in which dozens of pizzas sat on a buffet.  During the course of the evening, you piled squares on a plate every other time you went to the bar.  The event went til 1am…You might’ve pulled a Jordan.  Pizza Jesus.

Did you order a pizza Friday night, eat the whole thing – then feel unhealthy afterwards? As in, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten so much.  

No guilt. Instead, feel pride.  You’re in the same club as MJ.  The single greatest athlete ever to hover over the Earth.

Reheated pizza is good, but never quite regains the level it was when it first arrives.  Why not just finish it?  Saves the hassle of wrapping it up in aluminum foil or finding a Gladware container that will fit all the squares or triangles comfortably.

Frozen pizzas count, too.  A Home Run Inn frozen cooks up so nice, hard not to eat all eight slices (if you cut it that way.)

Medium, large, X-tra; depends on your fighting weight. Finish it, Johnny.

***Not recommended for deep dish nights.  Although, I bet MJ could tackle a full Gino’s East if need be.  And still go out and score 38.

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